junglee, junglee

"Arye beti, I know you doctors just wash wash wash, but at least try and put some lotion on your hands!"

She was so dismayed to find my recently henna'ed hands cracked and fissured at the knuckles.

Just wait until she attacked my junglee eyebrows, about 12 hairs shy of the limitless. One love, one brow.

Every so often I muster the courage to go see the Threading Aunties. They own a strip mall salon on a busy street in Hackensack, NJ and their clientale range from female migrants from the Hair Belt to gum smacking, long nailed Italian moms, to tight-jeaned, tanktopped Puerto Rican papis. Yes even the burliest of men visit the Threading Aunties.

They bob their chins to and fro with piece of thread between their teeth, expertly yanking each straddler, each wayward hair by its roots. While some of the older aunties wear the standard kurta pyjama top with tapered jeans and reebook sneaks, some of the younger didi's are hot to trot in their diesel jeans and slinky tops. Regardless of their attire, they all manage to have perfectly arched eyebrows and well manicured hands.

Most of the time they giggle and gossip, rapid exercises of their native tongue. I smile stupidly when they chuckle and motion for me to sit in the swivel chair. Most of the clients experience some watering of the eyes...but I am far less graceful. For about three minutes into the thread I start to sneeze. Pluck, ACHOO! Pluck, ACHOO! pluckpluckpluckachooachooachoo!

I emerge with red watery eyes, a swollen shnoz and perfectly shaped eyebrows. And two clucks that follow me as I walk out the door.

"Silly child doesn't take care of herself. No lotion, no make-up, no nothing! How did she ever find a man, God only knows."

They don't really say that. But that is what I imagine in my head. At least that is why all my aunties were so astonished to see me at my engagement party...and all I had donned was a little kohl under my eyes.

I am usually a walking disaster, the female equivalent of Pig Pen. Although to my credit, I do shower everyday...almost. It is true I rarely brush my hair, let alone powder my nose. My nails are painfully bitten down to the quick: the skin around is more often pink than brown.

I attempted to wear eyeliner on a regular basis as a freshman in college. That didn't last very long.

But things are about to change, oh yes, mark my words! At least for a day.

In June.

And then after that....God only knows.